Men can’t help it when they see the grand selection of tuxedo cufflinks and cummerbunds. It’s like we’ve been yearning to don a top hat and the forest green bowtie and vest to finally show the world you’re a part of the bourgeoisie – just for one day. Yet, it just doesn’t work.

Is it because we’re jealous of women? They have so many different shapes and colors to choose from; maybe men would like a taste of that creativity.

Maybe we’re still testing the theory that women are attracted to shiny objects. (#46 of things goldfish and women have in common.)

Whatever the case maybe, the glittery bowtie with the technicolor waistcoat looks ridiculous. Most of us only get a shot at wearing a tuxedo to our senior prom and our wedding. Why do you need to screw it all up by trying to copy the pastel orange suit in Dumb and Dumber?

Take a look at People’s Worst Dress List for Men. (ok, you’ve never seen it before because you’re a dude) What do all these fashion casualties have in common? They all got too fancy with their tux.

My point is keep it simple. What does James Bond wear? A black freakin’ tie. That’s it. No cummerbund. No waistcoat. Just a black jacket and a black bowtie. He’s been wearing this for the last 60 years, and he can still charm the dress off any gal in the room.

Take my advice and rock the 007. Your pictures will always look timeless, and you might just get lucky on your wedding night.